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Yo Momma Jokes

www.minnelli.com
 

Yo Momma

So Fat
So Stupid
So Ugly
So Old
So Poor
So Dirty
So Short
So Nasty
 

So Fat:
  • Yo momma so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
  • Yo momma so fat her nickname is "DAMN"
  • Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
  • Yo momma so fat we're in her right now
  • Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise
  • Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
  • Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
  • Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
  • Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
  • Yo momma so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
  • Yo momma so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
  • Yo momma so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
  • Yo momma so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
  • Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
  • Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
  • Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
  • Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
  • Yo momma so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
  • Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
  • Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
  • Yo momma so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"
  • Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
  • Yo momma so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"
  • Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
  • Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
  • Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
  • Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.
  • Yo momma so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
  • Yo momma so fat she's got her own area code!
  • Yo momma so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!
  • Yo momma so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!
  • Yo momma so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
  • Yo momma so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
  • Yo momma so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...
  • Yo momma so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.
  • Yo momma so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!
  • Yo momma so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!
  • Yo momma so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her!
  • Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side!
  • Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections!
  • Yo momma so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
  • Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.
  • Yo momma so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!
  • Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
  • Yo momma so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
  • Yo momma so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
  • Yo momma so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
  • Yo momma so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
  • Yo momma so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
  • Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
  • Yo momma so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
  • Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
  • Yo momma so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
  • Yo momma so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
  • Yo momma so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
  • Yo momma so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
  • Yo momma so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
  • Yo momma so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
  • Yo momma so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!
  • Yo momma so fat she got hit by a parked car!
  • Yo momma so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
  • Yo momma so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
  • Yo momma so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
  • Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
  • Yo momma so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway!
  • Yo momma so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
  • Yo momma so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th
  • Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too
  • Yo momma so fat she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please
  • Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it!
  • Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
  • Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.
  • Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
  • Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping
  • Yo momma so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
  • Yo momma so fat when she back up she beep.
  • Yo momma so fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
  • Yo momma so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
  • Yo momma so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
  • Yo momma so fat she influences the tides.
  • Yo momma so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
  • Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.
  • Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
  • Yo momma so fat she was baptized at Marine World.
  • Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family!
  • Yo momma so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
  • Yo momma so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her
  • Yo momma so fat she stands in two time zones.
  • Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.
  • Yo momma so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
  • Yo momma so fat shes on both sides of the family
  • Yo momma so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass
  • Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
  • Yo momma so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
  • Yo momma so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.
  • Yo momma so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
  • Yo momma so fat she cant reach her back pocket.
  • Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
  • Yo momma so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
  • Yo momma so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water
  • Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out
  • Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
  • Yo momma so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
  • Yo momma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.
  • Yo momma so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
  • Yo momma so fat she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.
  • Yo momma so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
  • Yo momma so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
  • Yo momma so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....
  • Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
  • Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
  • Yo momma so fat she was baptised in the ocean.
  • Yo momma so fat she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.
  • Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
  • Yo momma so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"
  • Yo momma so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
  • Yo momma so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
  • Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!
  • Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
 

So Stupid:

  • Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
  • Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
  • Yo momma so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
  • Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
  • Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
  • Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
  • Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
  • Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
  • Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
  • Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
  • Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
  • Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
  • Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
  • Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
  • Yo momma so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
  • Yo momma so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
  • Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
  • Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
  • Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
  • Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.
  • Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
  • Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
  • Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
  • Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
  • Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
  • Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?", she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."
  • Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
  • Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
  • Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
  • Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
  • Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
  • Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
  • Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
  • Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
  • Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
  • Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
  • Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
  • Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
  • Yo momma so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
  • Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
  • Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.
  • Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
 

So Ugly:

  • Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."
  • Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
  • Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
  • Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
  • Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
  • Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
  • Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck
  • Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
  • Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras
  • Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her
  • Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
  • Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"
  • Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
  • Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
  • Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.
  • Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.
  • Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!
  • Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!
  • Yo momma so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!
  • Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
  • Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!
  • Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!
  • Yo momma so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!
  • Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!
  • Yo momma so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!
  • Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!
  • Yo momma so ugly The NHL banned her for life
  • Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!
  • Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!
  • Yo momma so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!
  • Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints
  • Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry!
  • Yo momma so ugly people go as her for Halloween.
  • Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
  • Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.
  • Yo momma so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!
  • Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.
  • Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.
  • Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
 

So Old:

  • Yo momma so old I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
  • Yo momma so old she has Jesus' beeper number!
  • Yo momma so old her social security number is 1!
  • Yo momma so old that when God said let the be light, she hit the switch'
  • Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
  • Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks!
  • Yo momma so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!
  • Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
  • Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
  • Yo momma so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
  • Yo momma so old she owes Jesus a nickel.
  • Yo momma so old when God said "Let their be light", she flipped the switch.
  • Yo momma so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
  • Yo momma so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
  • Yo momma so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
  • Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
  • Yo momma so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade.
  • Yo momma so old and stupid she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said, "Li'l Mary will never amount to anything".
 

So Poor:

  • Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."
  • Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!
  • Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!
  • Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"
  • Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.
  • Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.
  • Yo momma so poor she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.
  • Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.
  • Yo momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."
  • Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.
  • Yo momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.
 

So Dirty:

  • Yo momma so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
 

So Short:

  • Yo momma so short she poses for trophies!
  • Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
  • Yo momma so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
  • Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.
  • Yo momma so short she does backflips under the bed.
 

So Nasty:

  • Yo momma so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt
  • Yo momma so nasty She gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh!
  • Yo momma so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
  • Yo momma so nasty she brings crabs to the beach
  • Yo momma so nasty she made right guard turn left.
  • Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
  • Yo momma so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
  • Yo momma so nasty that her shit is glad to escape.
  • Yo momma so nasty Ozzie Ozbourne refused to bite her head off .
  • Yo momma so nasty she pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

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