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Blonde Jokes

www.minnelli.com
 

Blonde Jokes - Thanks again Mike
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a tree?
A: A tree knows when it's being cut down!

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? 
A1: She'd just dyed her hair. 
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. 

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? 
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. 

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? 
A: You can park in the handicap zone. 

Q: How do you kill a blonde? 
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. 

Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? 
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads. 

Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? 
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages. 

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head? 
A: All you can eat, under a buck. 

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? 
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. 

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? 
A1: They can't find the zipper. 
A2: They cant find the pull tab. 

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? 
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. 

Q: What's a brunette's mating call? 
A: Has that blonde gone yet? 
A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave !? 
A3: "All the blondes have gone home !" 

Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? 
A: Because they can spell it. 

Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) 
A: Because they can spell it. 

Q: What is 74 to a blonde? 
A: 69 plus G.S.T. 

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? 
A: Toes Go In First. 

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? 
A: Tits Go In Front. 

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? 
A: An interpreter. 

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? 
A: A mental block. 

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? 
A1: Blow in her ear. 
A2: Buy her another beer. 

Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? 
A: To put their feet through. 

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive ? 
A: Her ankles. 

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? 
A: Because red means stop. 

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? 
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." 

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? 
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers. 

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? 
A: They chip their teeth. 

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? 
A: They make good ankle warmers. 

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? 
A: Remove their underwear. 

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? 
A: Cause their balls show ! 

Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? 
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk !" 

Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? 
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk !" 

Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? 
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine. 

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? 
A: "Have another beer." 

Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? 
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. 

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? 
A1: Introduces themself. 
A2: Walks home. 

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? 
A: Fertilized. 

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? 
A: Unfertilized. 

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? 
A: Opens the car door. 

Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex? 
A: Kick open the car door. 

Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? 
A: More head room. 

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? 
A: More leg room. 

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde? 
A: Bucket seats. 

Q: What do blondes say after sex? 
A1: "Thanks, Guys !" 
A2: "Are you boys all in the same band?" 
A3: Do you guys all play for the? 
A4: Who were all those guys? 

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? 
A: Because everybody gets a turn. 

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? 
A: Because she's been laid all over the country. 

Q: What important question does a blonde ask her mate before having sex? 
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate? 

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? 
A: *Who cares?* 

Q: Why do blondes have orgasms? 
A: So they know when to stop having sex ! 

Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? 
A1: She drops her nail-file ! 
A2: Who cares? 
A3: She says, "Next". 
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. 
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. 
A6: I mean, who really cares? 
A7: The batteries have run out. 

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? 
A: "Thanks for the refill !" 

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? 
A: Data transfer. 

Q: Why do blondes use tapons with extra long strings? 
A: So the crabs can go bungee-jumping. 

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? 
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil. 

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)? 
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?" 

Q: Why do blondes have more fun? 
A1: Because they don't know any better. 
A2: They are easier to keep amused. 

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? 
A1: "What's a lightbulb?" 
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. 
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady !" 

Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? 
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!" 

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? 
A: A wine cellar. 

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? 
A: Peroxide. 

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? 
A: They're doing research on black holes. 

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? 
A: An IN-body experience ! 

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? 
A: Humpme Dumpme. 

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? 
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear. 

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? 
A: Shine a torch in her ears. 

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? 
A: It takes too long to retrain them. 

Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? 
A: There's white-out on the screen. 
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? 
A: There's writing on the white-out. 

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? 
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. 

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common? 
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you. 

Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? 
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9. 

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? 
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno ! 

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? 
A: Gifted ! 

Q: How do blonde braincells die? 
A: Alone. 

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? 
A: Pregnant. 

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde? 
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down. 

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? 
A: Artificial intelligence. 

Q: How does a blonde part their hair? 
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart) 
A2: By doing the splits. 

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? 
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together ! 

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? 
A: Nothing. They've never met. 

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? 
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables ! 

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? 
A: After a dye job. 

Q: Why coudn't the Virgin Mary had been blonde? 
A: Because then she would have been just 'Mary' 

Q: Why did the blonds stare a the juice box? 
A: It said concentrate. 

Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of cherios? 
A: Oh! Look donut seeds! You plant them and they grow.


 

 

 

   

 

 

 

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